you guys were way drunker than both of me
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
