I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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