I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
