Yo dont text me then not text me
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
