i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
