I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
