I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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