Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
