i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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