Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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