we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
