Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
