You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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