after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
