a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
