I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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