AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
