He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
