Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
ok first of all what the fuck
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
