Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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