best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you never un-have a 4some
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
