please come you make the beer taste better
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
