i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
