I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
