My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
