should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
