Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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