The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
