I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
