i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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