Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
drinking out of a sandbucket again
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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