i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
