Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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