hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
