Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
