and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
