What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
