I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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