Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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