WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How does one acquire holy water?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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