so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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