I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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