I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
