So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
