so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
