Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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