You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
