i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
only you would photoshop your dick
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I need moral support for this bender
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
