I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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