also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
